4-10th May 2026 marks ‘Dying Matters’ week – to raise awareness of the importance of prior planning and having those often uncomfortable and most often avoided, discussions with families and people close to you.
Over the last 12 months, my family have been on a roller coaster of a journey after my father fell into a coma and was placed on life support. I am very pleased to say that he has made a full and rather amazing recovery. During that awful time, I got to thinking, “If the worst happens, what would he want – how can I respect his personal wishes if I don’t know what they are?”
Thankfully, for my family, we have been given that all-important opportunity to have open, honest conversations about dying and end-of-life decisions. When I mentioned to my parents that we should have done this a long time ago, they felt that they were protecting me by not discussing these issues as they didn’t want to cause upset. I reassured them that not knowing would have caused me untold angst and upset. I would never have known if I had followed my father’s wishes and this would have stayed with me forever. Also, it is possible that my sibling would have disagreed with decisions I may have made or vice versa, and this could have caused ongoing discord within the family.
It is so important to normalise conversations about death and dying to avoid these issues.
Putting plans in place can give your family clarity and confidence to know that they are carrying out your wishes. It can reduce uncertainty and avoidable disputes and provide peace of mind.
Whilst everyone’s circumstances will differ, there are several key documents to consider putting in place.
Will
Your Will sets out how you wish your estate to be distributed. Without a current valid Will, your estate will be distributed in accordance with the intestacy rules – strict statutory rules which set out the order of entitlement.
This may not be what you would want. For example, you may not be married or in a Civil Partnership, but you may have a long-term partner who would not benefit under those rules. You may wish to leave legacies to grandchildren or other family members, who would not otherwise benefit. You may, depending upon your age, need to appoint guardians for your minor children. You may have children from a previous relationship and the distribution between them and your current spouse under the intestacy rules may not achieve what you would consider to be a fair outcome.
Your Will should be reviewed regularly to ensure it is up-to-date and valid and still reflects your wishes.
Funerals
I hadn’t realised how important funeral wishes are until it was almost too late. This is often something that gets overlooked, even when someone has made a valid Will. Even information as basic as cremation or burial is important for the family or executors of your Will to be aware of so that there are no delays or doubts as to the arrangement. You can include guidance within your Will as to where your body is to be buried/ashes scattered or interred, and even your preferred music, readings and guidance for celebrations of life or a wake.
Dementia
Where your loved one has been diagnosed with dementia or other neurological disease, it is important to have these discussions early on so that they can be involved and can understand the issues and make their own decisions. Waiting too long may result in them being unable to retain the information long enough to do so.
Early, proactive discussions are essential to ensure they retain autonomy and can express their wishes. If they haven’t already done so, they could then legally appoint individuals to make future decisions.
Lasting Powers of Attorney
There are two separate types of Lasting Power of Attorney (“LPA”). A Property and Financial LPA allows you to appoint people to assist you with, or make decisions for you, relating to your property and financial affairs, either at your instruction or later, where you lack the capacity to do so for yourself.
The second type of LPA relates to health and welfare decisions and allows you to appoint trusted individuals to make medical and care decisions on your behalf if you lose your mental capacity. It covers choices regarding daily care and routines, where you reside, medical care and treatment, and, optionally, life-sustaining treatment.
It is important, in my view, to consider guidance for your attorneys – again, this will help them in a difficult time to know what your wishes might be in any given situation, and so they can then voice your decisions, rather than having to make them for you.
Appointing your family members might be the obvious choice, but it might not be the best choice for you if you feel that they would not be capable of making decisions for you in line with your wishes, or you would not wish to put that potential strain on those close to you.
Advance Decisions
Often called a “living Will” this is a legally binding document allowing adults with mental capacity to refuse specific medical treatments in advance, in case they lose capacity in the future. It is purely a refusal of treatment and specifies treatments you do not want and scenarios to which it applies, including refusals of life-sustaining treatment.
These can be made either in conjunction with, or in place of, your Lasting Power of Attorney for Health and Welfare, but if both are made in conjunction, the order of signing is important.
Planning ahead is one of the most considerate things you can do for your loved ones. In having these conversations, it is important to consider choosing a calm and appropriate time, being respectful and recognising that people do find these issues uncomfortable, and they may need time to reflect.
As an accredited member of the Association of Lifetime Lawyers, with my many years’ experience in Private Client work and, particularly when managing affairs for clients where they are unable to do so for themselves, I have seen firsthand how important it is to talk about dying and the end of life before it becomes too late.
Practical planning can avoid emotional stress for those left behind. Conversations with those close to you, whilst not always easy, are valuable and necessary. Starting them today can make a difference for the future.
Talking about dying does not make it come sooner!